In Personal Growth/ Real Life

Guest Post: My Miscarriage

My Miscarriage - Leah discusses what it was like to go through a miscarriage and shines light on the struggles of losing a baby and why having support is so necessary during this time.

In today’s post we are going to talk about something that is not often talked about: Miscarriage. I don’t know when miscarriage became such a hush-hush topic, but it really doesn’t deserve to be. Miscarriage is something that is so common and so hard to go through, yet no one talks about it! Well, today Leah is going to help change that by openly sharing her own miscarriage story.

Leah Stacjer is my Physiotherapist at Pulse Physio, a member of the Pilates on Demand team as our expert in Pelvic Health, and one of my really great friends.

I remember the day Leah told me she was pregnant, she was sooo excited and I was so incredibly happy for her! Having gone through my own fertility issues, I am always happy to hear when people are able to conceive without intervention. 

However, I also remember so vividly the day she told me she had lost the baby. I was standing in an aisle at the grocery store and my heart felt like it had sank into my stomach. I could not hold back the tears that poured from eyes as I sent her text message after text message of all the things I thought would help her feel better.

But I knew from my own experience there was nothing I or anyone else could say or do to make this better. It doesn’t matter how common something is, when it happens to you it still turns your world upside down.

Leah chose to tell the people closest to her that she was pregnant before she was 12-weeks. Now some of you may say that this was a bad idea, but I don’t think so at all. Being able to share both good news and bad news with those closest to us is so important and I feel like we don’t lean on others for support as much as we should. We should never have to go through anything alone if we don’t want to. And we definitely don’t need to act like we have it all together all the time (because news flash, NO ONE does!!).

Getting back to Leah’s story.

If you have ever lost someone then you know how hard it can be. And losing a baby, no matter when it happens, is still one of the hardest things to go through and everyone will experience this loss differently. Having never gone through a miscarriage personally, I felt her story was really important to listen to and to learn from. I admire her courage to share such a vulnerable experience in order to help others who are suffering or are going through the same thing.

I hope you too can learn from Leah’s story.

My Miscarriage – By Leah Stajcer

Okay everyone! If you’ve ever tried to get pregnant, you’ll most likely know the feeling of excitement as you get a positive when you pee on that stick!

Within a couple months of trying (6 days before my missed period) I snuck up the stairs and woke Matt up to show him the faintest little line. He smiled and said “Leah I don’t even see it, let’s wait until your actual missed period and do it again to be sure.” Of course the next day, I did the same thing but this time he laughed and said, “OK, I definitely see it today too” and gave me a big hug. I was so excited! I don’t keep my secrets well so within a couple of days I had told my entire family, some of my really close friends and my two bosses at work. Matt and I started talking about names and getting excited for my baby bump and/or what my body was going to look like pregnant.

At 9 weeks, I was feeling great and was so eager to hear my baby’s heart rate for the first time. I was so uncomfortable holding my pee in but I didn’t care! That is, until the ultrasound technician alluded to a miscarriage and said, “you need to speak with your family doctor”. I was distraught. I called my husband and messaged all the people I had originally told. It was a really bad day..

What I noticed in those moments of sending and receiving messages was how supported I felt. Many people said “I’m sorry for your loss – please let me know if you need anything”, showing heartfelt sadness and emotions for me. A couple of people stand out as being huge supports for me during this time. It wasn’t necessarily those who had gone through a miscarriage themselves; it was friends and family that put themselves in a vulnerable position and asked me intimate questions: “How are you feeling physically?”, “What did the doctor say?”. It was definitely out of their comfort zone to ask. With that vulnerability, I was able to truly connect with my emotions and work through them with these people. To those (you know who you are) – thank you so much. 

I went for a follow up ultrasound to be 100% sure. My family doctor and OB/Gyn we’re amazing and helped me work through some hard choices of how to proceed and move forward. In the end, I chose to have a D&C (dilation and curretage) which is a surgical procedure that dilates your cervix and removes part of the lining and/or contents of the uterus. My OB/Gyn was compassionate and held my hand as I went under anesthetic. (The picture below shows Matt and I in the waiting room squeezing ourselves into a bariatric chair so we could snuggle close together and try to have some laughs together as we waited on that awful day).

My Miscarriage - Leah discusses what it was like to go through a miscarriage and shines light on the struggles of losing a baby and why having support is so necessary during this time.

Although the healing after my procedure went as well as you could hope, I did notice that my core and pelvic floor were affected for a couple of weeks. Anytime I tried to cue my core and floor, I felt bloated and had discomfort in my lower abdomen. I chose to skip a week of ultimate Frisbee as I did not feel that my core was supporting me as well as it should. This lasted a short time and I was able to resume activity within 2 weeks.

Things I’ve learned from a miscarriage:

  • I do not regret telling my entire inner circle that I was pregnant.
  • Talk about it! Ensure you only tell people you know will be supportive.
  • When someone is mourning a loss, make yourself vulnerable and ask how they are doing. Don’t be afraid to say the wrong thing – I’m sure they’d really appreciate talking to you.
  • This is an emotional time for men too so ask how they are doing as well. My best hugs of love and support during this time were men in my life.
  • Seek social support and/or counseling as there are so many options out there.
  • All types of abdominal surgery (no matter how “minimally invasive”) can have an effect on the pelvic floor/core.

If you’d like to learn more about Leah or book an appointment with her, I’ve included her contact info below:


Instagram: @pulsepelvicphysio

Facebook: @pulsepelvicphysio

My Miscarriage - Leah discusses what it was like to go through a miscarriage and shines light on the struggles of losing a baby and why having support is so necessary during this time.


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